one auntie addressed me as ah boy just now.
...
i think its worst than being recognised as a 12 years old.
...

everything's not done.
engine not started.
DEAD.

//runs

woohoo.
taking break like nobody's business.
went to study with ohyuanping ytd.
only did a lil practice on probablilty.
im dead.
at night went dinner with yp, auntie and her nephew,
headed down to yishun.
went mahjong at their friend's place.
xiao xiang gong for twice, somemore 2 missing tiles.
wth.
guess im still new to mj as compared to those professional players.

gotta pack my room.

5 weeks left.
i think im prepared to waste my $300 plus alr.

im such a disappointment to my parents and grandparents.
unfilia!!
hais.

//runs

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 100%

Envy: 60%

Gluttony: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 40%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

im late!

//runs

i forgot what i wanna say alr.
:(

oh ya.
i gained abt 2 kg.
so horrible.
feel like killing myself!
kan na sai!
and i HATE MY HAIR.

i think i hate myself.

went bugis today with june.
she bought her materials,
we went to the temple to see the art work,
then to bugis street to look for skirt.
went back yishun to have shrimp wanton mee.
then sat at mac.
do maths.
too bored.
went popular to get my maths solution book!
then june n alex go makan, i went home.

ARGH.
i hate myself for getting so fat!
fuck it!

//runs

regretted not clubbing with joyce alr!
cos i still cant slp now.

went shopping with my mum today.
went bugis.
izzit that weird to bring ur mum ard bugis street,
everyone is like staring at me?
my mum is good at spotting bungs.
-claps-



went sembawang to meet up with joyce daph n jin.
caught up with each other life somehow.
im so happy for JOYCE!
weeee!
JOYCE JOYCE JOYCE,
SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
dont forget we're gg to meet up next sat at daph's place!

went hm.
rot.
rachel msged me.
asked me acc her for a drink cos she's sad.
went down.
drank.
got home.
continue to rot.
ROT.

time to sleep.
gotta meet up with june to do work tml.
nights.

//runs

if ever any one of the 6 girls recalls how we get tgt,
let me know!
haha.


found a quote i like on alvin's web.

"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you had not
or saying nothing and wishing you had."

the background music plus the quotes = heartwrenching.

yanping,
sorry,
the phone was outside,
the minute im gg to pick up u put down alr.
then i went to the toilet.
SO SORRY.

shld i go clubbing tml?
the last time?
to destress?
then full focus on a level?

//runs

random thoughts.

was looking thru some of the photos we took in 04 and 05.
WO SHI CHOU(UGLY) DE LOR!
from the first few outing when all of us not very shou,
until now shou dao lan.
somehow i cant rmb how the 6 of us come tgt.
its kinda weird.
cos in the first place we had our own clique.
and we form a new clique.
i sort of abandon my old clique cos im spending all my time with them.
i think overall quite happy.
then everyone got into different sch, different course.
get busy,
get attached.
somehow drifted.
just like me.
i haven't meet up with them since national day!
but i know they will still love me de!

me angie and ping was once so happy too.
screaming the song "superstar" on our way to cine.
bitching abt every single person we met with our "dingdongdingdong/tneh tneh tneh".
our favourite hangout: starbucks.
burning the weed and share only one caramel frap.
took neoprints.
we went town almost everyday,
till we got so sick of it.
we decided to choose the same sch,
ij.
and now.
everything changed.
quite drastic.
almost cant cope with it.
but survived through alr.

and to giokhui, kaiyan and xiaoling.
hohoho.
sorry abt drifting away.
but i nv forget the 3 of you okay!
sometimes i will look thru our NEOPRINTS.
i still have my braces on that time.
6yrs liao.
time flies.
thanks for the encouragement for my a levels.
meet up soon!

why am i here?
cos im done with my prelim papers.
i screwed them alr.
ytd was my last paper.
im free for the whole week.

my hair is getting long again.
TSK.

ytd was chatting with angie on the phone.
she has doubts.
abt the purpose of her existence.
who doesnt.
anyway,
just look at how fortunate all of us are.
we're not starving, we're not unwanted.
Friends and family love us.
if you want an answer to the doubts of your existence,
starting loving yourself.
we are nv satisfied with what we have.
therefore we are never happy with our life.
i was never happy too.
sometimes just need to kan kai yi dian.
ren sheng hai shi okay de.

ru guo de shi.

sometimes i just wish i dont need to hide anymore.

//runs

saw kaiyan again.
haha.

seriously.
i need to mug like mad alr.
im not doing well for the prelim.
in fact,
i can foresee i will did real bad for it.
hais.

exhausted.
doing last minute mugging for prelim is really draining.
and its NOT working.
slap me.

can somebody just grant me one wish.
let me sleep forever.
i just wish i can fall now.

40 odd days to go.
everyone is giving me ecouragement,
pushing me on.
what i did for myself?
probably nothing?
its just not easy to resist from temptation.
at this moment,
i shouldnt even be distracted.
-sigh-

everyday after exam will walk yp home,
then i will walk to casuway alone.
waokao,
the feeling is like,
im nv felt so alone before.
what's wrong with weishan nowadays?
-.-

and to my darlings:
I MISS YOU GIRLS!
start saving up!

we needa celebrate for my graduation,
whether i make it or not!

sentosa, club, WHATEVER!
LOVE LOVE LOVE. <3

//runs

today quite productive.
did my maths qns.

GIRLS,
i miss hanging out with you.
wait for the As to be over!
WAIT FOR ME!
58 more days?

CHAH,
im slacking too much lei.
lol.
its either tv, comp or bed.
thanks for the encouragement!
we dint forget ur prezzie,
u must wait for it okies (:

COUSIN,
eh,
you also must study for you O level hor,
thou im curious abt how our new-born newphew looks like,
but,
i haben finish preparing for my prelim!

back to work.
i really dont know what else can i do to my econs.
hais.
im just avoiding it.
its bad.

//runs

my hair is in bad shape.
decided to cut it.
i think i made it worse.
TSK.

today considered to be quite productive.

after knowing that some are worst,
i guess,
there's still space for me to buck up?
im not stupid,
am i?
assuming that im not,
i shld be able to pull through this shit.
but if i dont,
it just proven that im stupid.

we shall see.

//runs

went for extra lesson today.
mr ang go thru the ajc paper.
he tried to embarassed me today.
i wonder why.
intentional or not.
doesnt matter alr.
cos im alr pai sae-d

met june in the early evening.
studied abit only.
i just need somebody to stab me at my heart or shot me at my head.
DAMN WEISHAN,
DAMN YOU!
why cant u fucking study?!

//runs

met yanping , mer, jl at mac before heading to sch.
stoned.
went sch for consultation,
almost half the class went.
i did not benefit from it cos my mind was blanked.
went home.
rot.
rot.
rot.
rot.
and the list goes on.

jo called.
met her.
talked, did some maths.
june boo-ed me from behind.
went mamashop, met june again.
head home,
met june on my way again!
LOL.

put down my bag.

angie called.
went down to meet her.
rot.
bitched.
home-d.
here.
gg to do maths.

meeting yanping tml morning,
consultation in the afternoon.
that's abt it.
prelim2 approaching in 6 days time.
SOMEBODY,
PLS,
JUST KILL ME.

//runs

you dont know me.
and you wont want to know me.

i dont even know who am i.
i dont have an identity.
im just like a fluid.
takes up any shape that is given to me.

-------------------------------

gg to sch for econs consultation.
without preparation.
ought to be shot,
right at my head.

bang bang.
im dead.

//runs

sometimes im freaking desperate for friends to study out with me.
asked jo out to study twice but she rejected me!
boo!
im nicer than her,
in fact,
im super nice to her.
whenever she need to talk, i'll just meet her at e voiddeck.
its not really a heart-to-heart talk
but at least im an avenue for her to let out whatever is bothering her.
at least i understand.

not productive.
sucked.
i sucked at studying.
sucked at everything.
a level is in 59 days.
FUCK.

just fuck it.
fuck me.
fuck everything.

dont worry.
im not an emo kid anymore.

im feeling peace and calm.
;/

//runs

met jo to talk last night.
met her mum dad and bro at the bball court.
all the night owls.
then rachel came back from work.
she gave me 2 sticks of lavender.
jo walked me home.

slept at 2 woke up at 11,
slept at 3 again,
woke up at 7.
slacked.
so angry with myself.
why cant i just study?

//runs